you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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