I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize