The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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