Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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