you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
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we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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