"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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