Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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