when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize