Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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