what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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