She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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