I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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