Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize