R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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