roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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