I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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