I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize