The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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