You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize