Buhtt sex?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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