sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize