I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
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