We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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