shes about as inviting as chlamydia
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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