my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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