Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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