Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize