Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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