My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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