And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
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Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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