matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize