He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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