she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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