At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize