went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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