all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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