I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize