i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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