apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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