you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh god it's open bar.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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