So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize