proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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