a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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