I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
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Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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