I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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