Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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