i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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