2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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