I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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