There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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