chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize